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Post by Sypher on Nov 24, 2007 20:16:36 GMT -5
Thankx again! O3o
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Post by Jackie Santiago on Nov 24, 2007 20:18:09 GMT -5
Np!
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Thedutchess
Newbie
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone
Posts: 47
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Post by Thedutchess on Dec 3, 2007 3:38:43 GMT -5
The sun had just begun to set across the open Savannah plains, crimson and bright orange streaked the sky. The light reflecting off a small waterhole casting light across nearby trees. Quite beautiful for a sunset was never the same twice. Imani's mother had told her that. The rich golden Savannah grass losing its bright colour in the fading light.
Imani had wandered of again, like she had many times before. her memory punishing her, or so she believed. She lay, completely engrossed in deep thought watching the sun go down, oblivious to anything else. Not even noticing the cackling flock of birds take flight from the spindly decrepit tree she lay under. She was remembering her mother, the way she groomed her as a cub and the times they would go hunting together. Imani sighed, a small delicate tear, shining in the golden light rolled down her cheek. Death was unfair.
Imani lay in silence for quite a time, by now it had become dark but she had no intention of leaving. She enjoyed the loneliness of night and the fact that it wasn't as lonely as it seemed. She listened to the crickets sing their sweet night song, felt the brisk night air on her face, all was calm.
Imani drifted into dream, not remembering she even fell asleep. it was a perfectly lovely dream. Her mother was alive again. "i was never gone my child, just simply sleeping." these words stung her with guilt for leaving her alone in the night. The feeling was soon gone when her mother embraced her in a big lioness hug, licking her across the side of her face and giving her a playful nip on the ear. Imani looked her mother in her matching acid green eyes and all of a sudden the wonderful dream melted into something horrible, her mother had been replaced with a huge male's form. Imani stumbled back in horror, the Male lunged at her throat.....
Imani woke, still shaking with fear. She would have been in an icy cold sweat if only lions could. "That dream again.... ugh" she whispered to herself. Suddenly she froze, holding her breath she listened. She wasn't alone
[[posted this ages ago, just wondering if it's any good and if i can improve at all]]
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Post by Jackie Santiago on Dec 5, 2007 22:27:58 GMT -5
This was very well written <3 My only suggestion is to not start off every paragraph with her name because it appears slightly redundant. Also just be careful with capitalization. Otherwise, I found it great <3
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Thedutchess
Newbie
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone
Posts: 47
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Post by Thedutchess on Dec 6, 2007 2:14:42 GMT -5
thanks so much i'll work on that
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Post by Avalanche on Dec 6, 2007 16:14:51 GMT -5
i dont have a character yet, but im planning on playing a lion.But this is my first try at a roleplay, and I don't know if this is very good... please give me advice
It was a cold night... the gentle wind stroke his mane as Ar' slumbered atop the grassy terrain.His paws crossed over, tail huddling against his hind pillars.Ivories hidden deep inside his jet black maw, the weapons were sealed, and unable to be used for another load of hours.
But still.. he couldn't get it off his mind.Leaving his parents, and all his childhood friends.They used to play a game... they called it 'sport', but all he thought was that it was a cruel game.A cruelty, is what he called it.They dunked people into a pool of water, then all piled on top of them, with all sorts of spikey stuff...Like thorns, and tree branches.The forked tree next to him lightly poked at his side, the startled, confused male waking up from his sleep.
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Post by Jackie Santiago on Dec 7, 2007 12:15:35 GMT -5
I would add more about this cruel game. Put more detail into it. Also, when he wakes up, add in how he feels after being awoken. Basically, just try and add a lot more detail into what you wrote. Its a great start but you can certainly expand on it ^^
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Post by Avalanche on Dec 7, 2007 13:59:28 GMT -5
thankyou for the help!!
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Post by Avalanche on Dec 7, 2007 14:14:22 GMT -5
(Okay, ive been improving ^^)
His fur ruffled with the command of the wind, the cruel breeze that struck you in all of the harsh weather.The fierce male lied near a forked tree, the branches prodding him in his sides...He remembered the cruelty at his old home.The way they hit them with spiked branches, threw thorns at them...It was so harsh.Whoever created that 'game'....should be ashamed and guilty.They hurt so much people.
But then suddenly, the wind blew as hard as it could, as though the heavens sneezed with every transparent flower passing them by.The forked tree blew, scraping him across the side.Arrow immediately woke up, startled, yet happy he drifted out of his dreamworld.Looking at his side, he noticed a little scar, but ignored it, for it wasn't that bad.It seemed as though this gust of wind punished him, for laying down, not doing anything in the world.
Where he used to live, it was an empty place.Tree's were bare, some had even fell over.The grass drooped, as though it had been whipped with a ruler over the tip it.Yet the water supply was high, the food supply was scarce.The vast land didn't carry much at all, especially since it held lots of lions.Yes, lots of lions.The only animal that lived there, was lions.Indeed, a wide range of specimen... not.
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Post by Jackie Santiago on Dec 12, 2007 21:13:33 GMT -5
Excellent addition
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Quen
Newbie
Posts: 49
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Post by Quen on Dec 28, 2007 13:24:46 GMT -5
It had been a long time since Quen had found a watering hole, and this one, like all of them, was certainly welcome. There were a plethora of other animals gathered there--it seemed that this one was the nearest one for a long while. She had better fill up.
She ignored every last one of them as she made her way to the edge of the pool. She had no business with them, and considering that she had come from such a long distance away, she knew that none of them would need anything of her, either.
Quen stiffened as she saw her own relfection in the water. A few months ago she would have been happy, she would have loved her existence and she would have been with her people.
...but they had betrayed her.
She shook her head, closing her eyes and willing her tears away as she took her fill of water. She was no longer in the mood to drink but she knew that this stop would serve her in the days to come.
As much as she did not want to admit it, she needed to find a new pride. She was not familiar with this area, but she would have to search all the same. It was rare to find a lioness of age alone and without a mate for the season.
But after what had happened to her, she did not want another mate. She did not want anyone for anything. And this was the paradox. She no longer wanted a pride or a family but her blood cried out for a place to belong.
Raising her head, Quen heaved a sigh, seating herself at the edge and looking down into the water.
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Quen
Newbie
Posts: 49
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Post by Quen on Dec 28, 2007 15:11:16 GMT -5
I hope you don't mind if I post this in the Savannah. I wanted to wait for a reply about improvement but I'm too ansy! I want to RP with everyone possible!!!!!!
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Post by Jackie Santiago on Dec 28, 2007 16:15:25 GMT -5
Actually, that was really well done. I liked it alot <3
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Post by Breik on Dec 30, 2007 2:34:16 GMT -5
Breik found himself on th powl as usual. He snaked his way through the tress and under the brush carefull to stay silent in the case that he found anythingto tear into. Since he reached maturity he found himself excessively hungry. If you could call it that. Recently he had begun to entertain the thought of killing for ..for sport. he shook the thought away swiftly but there was something about dragging around a once powerful wildebeast that just thrilled him.
This time though He'd picked up a scent, a new scent.. for the first time in awhile a new predator seems to have made a decent kill in his part of the wood. He was surprised, most creatures that inhabited his territory feared his father before Breik's rain. Now nearly all feared him. It would make sense that any newcomer would learn of his reputation quicky since it was common murmor among the lesser beast and the prey.
Beik of course was following the scent carefully. His arrogance and curiousity fueling him through the foilage. It was the best time to hunt on top of that. The sun was setting above the canopy and there was but shadow on the ground. The day had been humid so the ground was soft and silent. The twigs that he crushed in his haste where muffled by sinking into the ground beneath his paws.
The mere thought of this chase was inticing, his youthful thirst for meat and the thrill of the hunt filled him already. Yet he knew not what he stalked. He caught sight of a stag and pounced swiflty, he closed its throat before taking the deer swiftly into a tree and ripping into it. He was distracted by his warm meal for only a second before he decided to hop back on the trail of his guest.
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Post by Jackie Santiago on Dec 30, 2007 17:05:05 GMT -5
I see nothing wrong with this post <3
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